Extravagantly Loved

I have been chilling with “The Shack” the last two weeks, (yeah, like dude, where have you been!) and it left me with a profound sense of how much God loves me. How He loves us all.  I thought when I called this blog “Extravagantly Loved” that I was clued in to that love. What a small clue.  I guess in a way it was declaring that which was to come…

I have listened to the book (with multiple rewinds), watched the movie (again multiple rewinds) and listened to the songs on repeat all day today. I feel like my eyes have been opened a bit more, and yet I feel that there is still so much to learn and experience. I don’t even know how to put into words what I am feeling right now, so this will be kind of processing.

Love is patient. He will not get tired of me, or my weaknesses. Every good thing, every not so good thing, every flaw…Boy, am I impatient with myself. Telling myself lies that I am better off than I actually am. Expecting more of myself and others than humanly possible to give… He is patient. He bears it all. He is love.

Love is kind. To all. It is his kindness that leads people to repentance. When I am tired, I find it hard to be kind. He does not grow tired. Or tired of being kind. And good. He is always kind. He does not do bad things to teach us a lesson or virtue. There is no malice in Him. HE is 100%, and then some, goodness.

Love never gives up. He won’t ever give up on anyone! Long after the towel I threw in has dried, He will still be holding on. He won’t let any of His children go. No matter how hard they fall. I think of how many people and causes I have given up on, things I refuse to revisit or spare another thought, and I am comforted that He does not give up.

Love does not keep a record of wrongs. HE has chosen that they will not be counted to us. HE forgives it, even before we were made, and were able to make mistakes, by His death He forgave us. Countless times we are unable to move forward, because of something we did wrong or because of some wrong that was done to us. HE has chosen not to remember.

Everyone has a story, but their story is not just about them. Right now I am trying to do something that needs divine alignment and the cooperation of a complete stranger. It isn’t going as quickly as I wanted, but when I am tempted to complain, I will now think…someone else is asking God for this exact thing. He is work in go on their behalf too, and their story and will is tied into mine….regarding this project. Someone has to exercise their free will, and decide that this is what they want. And He is leading them.. But yeah, the right person will come, and the time will be the perfect time. At the moment however, it seems to me to be a few weeks late. I am getting anxious…. And then I decide to remember, that He will do it quickly in it’s time, and I breathe in and calm down.

I feel that sometimes our theology makes us the centre of the universe. It is all about me, about all things falling into place when I want them to, with no pain for me. And yet, God has given more than 7 billion people all the ability to choose. And our stories are linked with others’ (thankfully not & billion!!). For some things, I will still struggle. The death of loved ones, betrayal, stuff that still hurts like hell, but even then, I am aware I only know part of the story. Knowing it is part of an intricate story, and that God will redeem all things doesn’t always lessen the pain. But I can be sure He won’t ever leave. He has promised and He will live up to it. No matter how deep the hole, or how dark the night, there HE will be. And His love and presence are enough. I may never know why, even though I will ask a million times….

And then I wonder how He felt….seeing Jesus on the cross. feeling what He felt. Just because we do not have a response written down in the Gospels does not mean the Father wasn’t weeping with the Son. Or feeling His pain. Or that He wasn’t there. I struggled quite a bit with reconciling Abba abandoning Jesus on the Cross… If He could turn His eyes away from His Son because of sin, how could I be sure He wouldn’t turn His eyes away from me?

Where was He when Jesus was saying… “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Mt 27:46  These words are also found in Psalm 22** (See below, in bold are some verses that jump out regarding Calvary). I wonder if He was reciting this Psalm….

And then I listened to Brennan Manning in “The Furious Longing of God” and he said that some theologians believe that Abba responded to Jesus and said the words from Song of Solomon

“Come then, My beloved, My lovely one, come. For see, winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers are appearing on the earth. The season of glad songs has come. The cooing of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree is forming its first figs and the blossoming vines give out their fragrance. Come then, My beloved, My lovely one, come.” Song of Solomon 2:10-13

Could it be that these words were whispered to Jesus as He hang on the cross… so that he could then say “Abba, into your hands i commit my Spirit”…. And who is His Spirit? The Holy Spirit!! So Jesus indeed was not all alone on the Cross, as I had been led to believe…but the Three in One God was present over there.

And I am a mess now. A mess of feelings and thoughts and facts that need to be processed with Him. I have questions, many questions….but then again, maybe I finally have some answers….

But here’s to a beautiful mess…. to love and trust and longings that only He can fulfill.

**Psalm 22

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMcOpekXREU

I cannot tell you how this song has blessed me…. Thank you Hillsong United. Thank you Amanda Cook. Thank You God!!!

Originally posted: 06.09.2017

Edit 22.12.2017 the original video was taken down, but this one uploaded. Let’s hope this one stays.

We live in a tiny French village. Have been here for almost six and a half years. We were charmed by the mountains and the fields and the open spaces. What we didn’t know was that our son would fall in love with football here… that he would grow a family of footballers and coaches who would love him and nurture his love for the beautiful game. That the whole village would come together at times to hold events that would be just wonderful to watch.

And so two introverts head out to this party, and take pictures, and drink in the beauty of the diverse people that make up this village. We do not go eagerly, but we know this is our small thank you to a village that has embraced us and our cubs. Like the African proverb goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

The major finale is always this pool made from bales of hay, a large plastic sheet and ropes. When the adults are done competing, the kids get to dip and have a blast until the sun is no longer so hot. For a few hours each June afternoon, we have our own swimming pool, and it is precious.

A few crazy young people will jump in too, and today one of the school moms was carried and dumped into the pool by her friends. I just stood there and drank it all in, thankful for another season that comes to an end, thankful that for this time, I live in this tiny village.

M

This song has been creeping up on me all week and holding on to my attention. It happens the same way almost every time. I am playing music in the background, doing something else, and the tune catches me. I look at the player, I see it is called Perfect Love (by Leeland). And I smile… Because His love is perfect. Because He has always loved… always been there…

It ends, and i rewind it. (is that what they call it still?) Because i missed the beginning… And the tune refuses to be put away just yet… Because the kids are squealing in excitement in the back, and no matter how hard i try I can’t make out the words. For the first time I notice a line that sounds like “You see who I have become, You love me still.” (Google later tells me the actual words are “You saw who we became, You loved us Lord”… A totally different context, but that is where this was born.)

Because there, like a light breaking through the clouds on a gray and gloomy day, I find what I have been straining to hear. He sees who I have become, and He loves me still. In the fulfillment of dreams, and prayers answered above and beyond, He loves me still. In the pain that was once resident and is now gone, He loves me still. In the midst of broken dreams and castaway hopes, He loves me still. In the unpredictability that is my days during the summer, missed deadlines and overshot calorie goals, He loves me still. In the pride of serving courgettes grown in my own strip of a garden,  at a picnic atop a mountain, He loves me still. In the dark of the night when the answers won’t come and the tears won’t stop, He loves me still. In the moments when I realise I have been conned or robbed, He loves me still. And in the little steps that are getting me where He has called, He loves me still. Everyday. Every time. Always. And in the words of Michael W Smith, “I have never been unloved.”

It is a great thing to realise that you have never been unloved. I remember one day, I was in the car, going back home and listening to a recording by Zig Ziglar and he said that he had always had love in his life. In that moment, it hit me that so had I. And there and then, truth that had not made it’s way past my head went deep deep into my heart, and I thanked God I was very near my home so I could stop the car before I became a hazard. There are things we have to know on our own. Like a girl needs to know on her own that she is beautiful and worth a lot. If she doesn’t know it for herself, no matter how many people tell her, she will not hear it. She will look at herself each day and think she is fat or too skinny or ugly or whatever, but not beautiful. We each have to know that we are loved. Not with a fickle love, a fading love, a conditional love, but with a love everlasting and totally unreserved.

He loves me still. Selah.

No matter where I am at, no matter what i do or fail to do, He loves me still. As a mother that second guesses and triple guesses every choice, I choose to believe the truth that He loves them too. He made them, He has a great plan for them and He will lead them in the paths He has chosen for them. And even if they may wander from the way, He will love them still. When they supercede every dream I have for them, He will love them still.

Kids United (my daughter’s current favourite band ever) have a song called “Sauver l’amour” and the chorus has a line “Qu’ est-ce qui pourrait sauver l’ amour?” meaning “Who can save love?” But in reality, love is alive and well and not in need of saving. We just have to open our hearts and our minds to the perfect love of the Father, and to the many expressions of His love in the people he has placed around us. And then to open our hearts to give of that love which we have received.

Maybe that will be the reason we smile while the battles rage. Why we hold our heads high and meet life head on. Why we choose to love, to be bold and brave as we walk the journey. Cos He sees who we have become, and He loves us still.

“I will send My terror ahead of you, and throw into confusion all the people among whom you come, and I will make all your enemies turn their backs to you. I will send hornets ahead of you so that they will drive out the Hivites, the Canaanites, and the Hittites before you. I will not drive them out before you in a single year, that the land may not become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. I will drive them out before you little by little, until you become fruitful and take possession of the land.” Exodus 23:27-30 NASB

It has been said that our generation likes things instant. After all we were born to instant coffee, instant noodles, instant milk, etc.. I however, think that this has been a problem for all generations, at the very least since the Exodus. The point is we have very little patience for process, for the journey. We want results, and we want them now. We love the God of “Suddenly”, the God of “at that instant”. We seek Him with earnest and love Him and celebrate when the speed at which HE works puts light to shame.

For over two months now, I have been thinking about this little by little.  About these verses especially. God made a promise to the Israelites, He did not hint, or suggest, or mince His words when He said he would send his terror ahead of them, throw into confusion their enemies, and give them the land. He could not have been clearer, about what the plan was, and how He and they were going to accomplish it. There was going to be war, and they were going to win and take the land. However, He told them it would not be a quick process. It would not take a year, but many years… Little by little.

When someone tells me that something I want to accomplish will take a year, I want to faint. Give up right there and come back after 11 months so we can sprint to the finish line. I can take anything for a short time, but to be in the process for a whole year? Show me the door. Now. Needless to say, there are things I have not been able to do because I could not stay the path. Once the fire of the beginning was cooled, there was too little of me left to plough for the long haul.

Last week, as I was cleaning out the room I use as an office, I found a notebook I had not seen in years. When I opened it, there was the list of things I had planned to do on the house. It was written in 2012, and the timeline was 3 years. I can say right now that I was not in my right mind when I made that list lol. But as I read through that list, I realised that most of the things thereon had been cleared. Some as recently as the day before. It really brought these verses back to me, because it had all happened while i was not anxiously looking at the list, but going at each thing one by one, month after month, year after year. I was surprised and thankful and humbled, because yet again, a little done over a long time had borne fruit. There is still a bit to go, and some things have been scrapped off the list because we have evolved. But most of it is done. Truthfully, this is wisdom. It is all logical. It makes sense. But it goes against what I want and prefer. No one wakes up one day and wins a gold medal. Every athlete learns their sport, trains at it for thousands of hours unseen, improving day by day, until at one point they reach the top.

It is in the little by little, step by step that we learn the meaning of patience. Of perseverance. Of holding on even when it looks like nothing will happen. Of not quitting because it is taking so long. Because we know that we can trust Him who has promised to fulfill his promise. And we know that if we keep going and don’t give up, we shall reach the desired end.

Another thing that has brought this point home has been planting a garden. A very small garden. A friend convinced me I could do it, and I went and bought some seeds. With a lot of fanfare, we planted them, and then transplanted the seedlings. We bought a few more seedlings to go with them. And then the waiting began. In the meantime we had to water it twice a day. Finally after what seemed like a year, but in reality was a few weeks, we have begun to enjoy its fruits. The plants of course grow a lot faster that some of the disciplines we have to master, but the point is that each day, a little growing happens. Sometimes it is hard to tell if anything has even changed from day to day. But when you look back over a longer period, the little by little has a large effect.

So one of the lessons for me in 2016 is to learn to embrace the process, to cherish the journey, long and arduous as it may be. To stop and take in the sights along the way, and to celebrate each little triumph because it is leading to the ultimate goal. To not quit when the troubles seem more than they are worth, because they are building up character for the next stage. To know, beyond what I can see, that God is working and we are making progress. So that at the end of the journey, when I look back, I can see the little steps that led to the mountain top. To embrace the God of Little by Little.

Hello! And welcome!!

I have had it on my heart to do this for years, and if I am truly honest, decades maybe. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, a way to figure out the world, an escape, a release, a doorway into what has been, what is and what could be. I am excited to birth this dream. It has stayed inside for long enough, and one more moment and it might tear me wide open. I am hopeful, that there will be fun, and healing and joy and much, much love on these pages. And of course, a little scared, to throw open the doors and welcome whoever will come, with whatever they will bring. But hey, here we are!

Why extravagantly loved? To be honest, it was a God Whisper. One day, He seemed to give it to me, and I was like, “Oh dear! What does that even mean?” But He seemed to park there, and it was up to me to begin to discover what it was all about. I am still discovering… I made a quick search, and was shocked that the name had not been snatched up before. I sat on it for two years, until one day in May, He spoke to me again, firmly. And the name was still available. I was like, “How come no one has taken it? It seems so obviously magnificent!!” But as a dear friend said to me “Well, it is obvious to you because it is yours!!” What could I say?

When i think of the words “extravagantly loved” the picture that shines brightest in my head, is of this drawing by Charlie Macksey.

I still remember walking into a cathedral in Hammersmith, and there it was on the wall. I could not take my eyes off it. It is the story of the extravagant father in Luke 15…  A father whose younger son has returned home after squandering his share of the fortune…and he runs to him, and he embraces him, and he kisses him and gives him clothes, and shoes, and his ring….and throws him a party. Never mind the dishonour, the disrespect, the shame, the dirt… “my son was lost, and he has now come back.” His older son who had stayed home and been faithfully working all the while comes home from the field and is unhappy about the party… Dad leaves the party and tells the lad, “you are always with me, and everything i have is yours….but we had to celebrate”…. His sons feel unworthy and unloved, but he has more than enough to meet them where they are at.

And while we are at it, the same artist has another painting called “The Prodigal Daughter” But that is another post for another day.

I also have a vivid picture from November 2013… In a worship gathering in Eastbourne, UK, I saw a scene that I like to call “Lord of the Dance”. And He was dancing waving a banner of extravagantly rich colours, that were dripping onto those that were gathered. It took me over a year to even link this picture to His extravagant love, but once the link was made, it could not be unmade. HE dances, HE laughs, HE spreads His love, HE is happy…joy personified.

Zephaniah 3:17 says “The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing”

My prayer is that this will be an environment where love reigns supreme. That whoever would stop by here would find a love that is everlasting, a love that comes from God, our Father. That we would truly see ourselves as He does, Beloved.

So, what can you expect to find here? Well, a little bit of everything… Because God has given each of us just so much in life. Food, love, scripture, children, marriage, prayer, cake, friends, shoes, flowers, cake, gifts, and whatever else may be on my heart. My friends will pop in and write from time to time, and yeah, let’s get going.

Big hugs.