I have been chilling with “The Shack” the last two weeks, (yeah, like dude, where have you been!) and it left me with a profound sense of how much God loves me. How He loves us all. I thought when I called this blog “Extravagantly Loved” that I was clued in to that love. What a small clue. I guess in a way it was declaring that which was to come…
I have listened to the book (with multiple rewinds), watched the movie (again multiple rewinds) and listened to the songs on repeat all day today. I feel like my eyes have been opened a bit more, and yet I feel that there is still so much to learn and experience. I don’t even know how to put into words what I am feeling right now, so this will be kind of processing.
Love is patient. He will not get tired of me, or my weaknesses. Every good thing, every not so good thing, every flaw…Boy, am I impatient with myself. Telling myself lies that I am better off than I actually am. Expecting more of myself and others than humanly possible to give… He is patient. He bears it all. He is love.
Love is kind. To all. It is his kindness that leads people to repentance. When I am tired, I find it hard to be kind. He does not grow tired. Or tired of being kind. And good. He is always kind. He does not do bad things to teach us a lesson or virtue. There is no malice in Him. HE is 100%, and then some, goodness.
Love never gives up. He won’t ever give up on anyone! Long after the towel I threw in has dried, He will still be holding on. He won’t let any of His children go. No matter how hard they fall. I think of how many people and causes I have given up on, things I refuse to revisit or spare another thought, and I am comforted that He does not give up.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs. HE has chosen that they will not be counted to us. HE forgives it, even before we were made, and were able to make mistakes, by His death He forgave us. Countless times we are unable to move forward, because of something we did wrong or because of some wrong that was done to us. HE has chosen not to remember.
Everyone has a story, but their story is not just about them. Right now I am trying to do something that needs divine alignment and the cooperation of a complete stranger. It isn’t going as quickly as I wanted, but when I am tempted to complain, I will now think…someone else is asking God for this exact thing. He is work in go on their behalf too, and their story and will is tied into mine….regarding this project. Someone has to exercise their free will, and decide that this is what they want. And He is leading them.. But yeah, the right person will come, and the time will be the perfect time. At the moment however, it seems to me to be a few weeks late. I am getting anxious…. And then I decide to remember, that He will do it quickly in it’s time, and I breathe in and calm down.
I feel that sometimes our theology makes us the centre of the universe. It is all about me, about all things falling into place when I want them to, with no pain for me. And yet, God has given more than 7 billion people all the ability to choose. And our stories are linked with others’ (thankfully not & billion!!). For some things, I will still struggle. The death of loved ones, betrayal, stuff that still hurts like hell, but even then, I am aware I only know part of the story. Knowing it is part of an intricate story, and that God will redeem all things doesn’t always lessen the pain. But I can be sure He won’t ever leave. He has promised and He will live up to it. No matter how deep the hole, or how dark the night, there HE will be. And His love and presence are enough. I may never know why, even though I will ask a million times….
And then I wonder how He felt….seeing Jesus on the cross. feeling what He felt. Just because we do not have a response written down in the Gospels does not mean the Father wasn’t weeping with the Son. Or feeling His pain. Or that He wasn’t there. I struggled quite a bit with reconciling Abba abandoning Jesus on the Cross… If He could turn His eyes away from His Son because of sin, how could I be sure He wouldn’t turn His eyes away from me?
Where was He when Jesus was saying… “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Mt 27:46 These words are also found in Psalm 22** (See below, in bold are some verses that jump out regarding Calvary). I wonder if He was reciting this Psalm….
And then I listened to Brennan Manning in “The Furious Longing of God” and he said that some theologians believe that Abba responded to Jesus and said the words from Song of Solomon
“Come then, My beloved, My lovely one, come. For see, winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers are appearing on the earth. The season of glad songs has come. The cooing of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree is forming its first figs and the blossoming vines give out their fragrance. Come then, My beloved, My lovely one, come.” Song of Solomon 2:10-13
Could it be that these words were whispered to Jesus as He hang on the cross… so that he could then say “Abba, into your hands i commit my Spirit”…. And who is His Spirit? The Holy Spirit!! So Jesus indeed was not all alone on the Cross, as I had been led to believe…but the Three in One God was present over there.
And I am a mess now. A mess of feelings and thoughts and facts that need to be processed with Him. I have questions, many questions….but then again, maybe I finally have some answers….
But here’s to a beautiful mess…. to love and trust and longings that only He can fulfill.
**Psalm 22
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
2 My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.[b]
3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the one Israel praises.[c]
4 In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
5 To you they cried out and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
8 “He trusts in the Lord,” they say,
“let the Lord rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him.”
9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
10 From birth I was cast on you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.
11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.
12 Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
13 Roaring lions that tear their prey
open their mouths wide against me.
14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted within me.
15 My mouth[d] is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.
16 Dogs surround me,
a pack of villains encircles me;
they pierce[e] my hands and my feet.
17 All my bones are on display;
people stare and gloat over me.
18 They divide my clothes among them
and cast lots for my garment.
19 But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
20 Deliver me from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.
22 I will declare your name to my people;
in the assembly I will praise you.
23 You who fear the Lord, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or scorned
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.